Buffy the White House Saviour
by astraea2
Summary: The White House has a demon problem. Who ya gonna call? Well, Buffy. How's that going to go? Total chaos. BtVS/West Wing crossover. (Repost)
1. Default Chapter

Yes, it's BtVS/West Wing Crossover. It had to be done. (I was drunk.) For a far superior version of same, check out Nomad's 'Donna the Vampire Slayer' and its sequels. You will laugh. A_ *lot*._

Timeline: Haven't a clue, but happier times in each series. Say season one in the West Wing and An AU Happy S6 in Buffy. Come on, no one told me crossovers have to be realistic…….

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: Joss Whedon owns BtVS, Aaron Sorkin owns the West Wing. I'm just deeply jealous.

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"I – ah – had a phone call," revealed Giles, entering the room.

"No way!" said Buffy. "Cos when the phone rang, and you answered it and you went in the next room to have a conversation – well, we never guessed."

"We are skilled in the art of deductiveness," added Xander, before wondering, "Is deductiveness a word?"

"What's the bad, Giles?" asked Buffy, noting the Watcher's unusual reticence in picking on Xander.

"It's…." He stopped and looked around the table. Buffy, Willow, Tara, Dawn, Xander, Anya and Spike, sitting there, looking at him expectantly.

"Perhaps we need to speak in private, Buffy."

Seven outraged voices were raised in disgust. Giles continued his survey, his glance lingering on Spike, Xander, Anya and Dawn.

"No," he said, with more determination. "It's important."

"Unlike that stuff we usually do when we save the world?" questioned Xander.

"N – Yes!" said Giles.

"We've killed the Master and the Mayor and Adam and Glory and you don't think we can help with this?" said Willow, looking hurt.

"It's not…..it's different," said Giles, shuffling uncomfortably.

"Giles, spill," said Buffy firmly. "If it's a big deal, we need everyone on board."

"It shouldn't be a big deal. It's just….it's sensitive information."

"You don't trust us with sensitive information? Well, I'm just shocked!" smirked Spike, to be cuffed around the head by Buffy. 

"Giles, you can trust everyone in this room, you know you can," she assured her Watcher. "Now, tell, before I beat you up! Or - not."

"That was – the White House on the phone," admitted Giles slowly.

"Yeah, that'd be funny. Cos the White House is where the president lives," laughed Xander. "Hang on – no way!"

"Yes, that White House," said Giles. "I spoke to a senior advisor."

"The president is a demon!" yelled Xander. "I knew it!"

"No, the *last* president was a demon," corrected Willow. "President Bartlet is cool. I voted for him. He's not a demon, is he?" she asked Giles.

"No, the president is not a demon. Nor is the First Lady," he added, heading off a question from Xander. "They've found  a – something – in the White House. Obviously, it's a matter of great concern."

"Yeah. Because if we've got a Something, then the Russians will want a Something too. Before you know it we're into the Something Wars and the world will never be the same again. Disastrous." Willow shook her head as Tara laughed.

"Yes, it's all very funny. And if we mess this up, you'll find yourselves in army experimentation labs and I'll be deported," said Giles grimly.

"Why?" demanded Willow indignantly. "Why labs?"

"Slayer, Witch, Witch, Key, Vengeance demon, Vampire," recited Giles, pointing to each in turn.

"Hey! How's about that? I'm human!" crowed Xander. Realisation hit him. "I'm the only human at this table!"

"Witches are human too," Tara reminded him, as Willow backed her up with some good scowling and Buffy pointed to her sister in a threatening way. Xander held up his hands in defeat.

"Again, I feel we need to take this quite seriously," said Giles. "Please, for the love of god, can we take this seriously?"

"Sure," said Buffy, laying a comforting hand on his arm. "What's the demon and how do we kill it?"

"Yes. Well." Giles shuffled once more.

"Because taking it seriously would involve knowing these things?" 

"True," admitted Giles. "But these people don't know one demon from another. They never knew such thing existed. They're lawyers, Buffy."

"I have to fight lawyers *and* demons?" grouched Buffy.

"No, you have to save the lawyers *from* the demons," corrected Giles.

"That's so not in my mission statement," she complained. "My job sucks."

"Your job is to kill demons. If you can kill one for your president, well, that's quite an honour isn't it?" Giles looked at her hopefully.

"Okay. True. But only cos he's a nice president. And how did they get your number?"

"Well, it's the White House. All-knowing and all-seeing?" offered Giles.

"Probably know about us from when the Initiative was here," suggested Willow, to a loud snort from Spike.

"See how you all like being experimented on!" he snapped.

"No one will be experimented on," said Giles firmly. "We will sort this problem out. Probably a very minor demon, you know. Everything will go precisely according to plan and I will not be deported."

"So we're going to the White House?" squeaked Willow, clapping in excitement.

"Well, 'we' is such an all-encompassing term," blustered Giles. "Some of us need to go to the White House, yes."

"Some of us will have to carry the weapons," offered Spike.

"No way! Spike gets to go to the White House? I wanna go!" said Xander.

"It would be sooo educational, Buffy. Please?" begged Dawn.

"Yes. Because I had that lobotomy last week and now I let you patrol with me. You get to kill dangerous demons and I let you handle major weaponry. No!"

"Oh come on, it's the White House! How dangerous could it be?"

Buffy exchanged a glance with Giles. 

That remained to be seen.


	2. 2

A/N: Okay, this is the West Wing Chapter. (I've always wanted to write a WW fic but US politics are difficult for the non-national and what I do think about what I do know about US politics will only make me enemies. And so I will stick to a crossover!

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"There's a demon in the White House?" yelled Sam.

"If you shout a bit louder the New York Times will be able to hear you," suggested Josh. "In New York."

"But what do you mean, there's a demon in the White House?" demanded Sam in a very angry whisper.

"I mean that there's a – *thing*. Here." Josh elaborated.

"But…"

"A demon."

"But there's no such thing."

"Toby says there is," said Josh, with the air of one who has had the final word.

"There is," grunted Toby, without looking up.

"How do you know?" croaked Sam.

"Because Leo said," was the only reply. Toby returned to his newspaper.

"But…what….how…..what is it? It's not just a really big rat? Huuuge rat?" Sam demonstrated the dimensions of a giant, possibly demon rat, using his hands.

"Not rat," clarified Toby, glancing up. "Dee-mon."

"Demons aren't real," insisted Sam, calmly. "You're just winding me up."

"I told you this should be on a need-to-know basis," sighed Toby, throwing a look at Josh.

"And Leo thinks the senior staff need to be aware of the presence of a *demon* *now*!"

"It's not a big deal. There's security posted in the area. As long as no one goes past the lower corridors, there won't be any problems."

"There's a demon?" said Sam, almost to himself. "Like a Frankenstein thing?"

"Like a  - Big – Thing," clarified Josh, looking at Toby helplessly. "He made it, ask him!"

"I didn't – make – it!" argued Toby. "I was looking for some papers and suddenly there was a – thing." His eyes dropped back to the newspaper.

"What does it look like?" squeaked Sam.

"It looked as though it was big and not human," sighed Toby. "I ran away rather than ask it for a life-history."

"Very species-ist of you," commented Josh. "Hope you checked it didn't have a vote before you ran."

"It looked like a Republican," quipped Toby. "I thought it was best to leave it alone."

"Republican!" shouted Sam abruptly. "Where? Where did you say the thing was?"

"Down in the bowels of the building," said a surprised Toby. "The lower corridors – South wing. No one ever goes there."

"Ainsley!" yelped Sam. "That's where Ainsley works!"

"Takin' my name in vain, Sam?" drawled Southern tones, Ainsley's head peering around the door.

"No!" he yelped, defensively. "I was just…nothing."

"Apparently there's a monster beside my office so I thought I'd come see what was going on up here," she elaborated.

"What?" yelled Josh.

"A thing," she explained. "A big – thing."

"Great, the Republicans know," groaned Toby.

"That's okay. It will be of little surprise to us that there are demons in the White House at the moment," she smiled sweetly, settling herself in the most comfortable chair.

Sam glared.

"Who else knows about this?" wailed Josh. "This is ridiculous! What ever happened to security?"

"You're the one who wanted to tell Sam," Toby pointed out.

"Hey!" protested Sam. "I'm senior staff. And a Democrat! I should too know!"

"Hey guys," CJ greeted the room cheerfully. "How's our non-Republican Demon?" She noted the presence of Ainsley and winced. "That wasn't meant in a partisan way," she added.

"We have the Freak-people called in," said Toby with a grimace. "They should be here by evening."

"Hang on," said Josh. "CJ knows? Why does CJ know?"

"Hey, sometimes I actually get told what's going on around this place," said CJ dryly.

"She's senior staff," said Toby sheepishly. "She should know."

"You ran crying to CJ when you saw the big bad monster!"  Josh accused, falling back into his chair.

"Well, that's very unlikely," replied Toby, avoiding his look. "I felt CJ should know in case any of the press caught wind of the story."

This version of events was greeted with snorts of derision from both Josh and CJ.

"Last time you hear about *anything*," said Toby under his breath.

"That would be first and last," returned CJ, caustically.

"There's a pile of books on demonology you could be reading up on?" Toby pointed to the table. CJ raised one eyebrow and he gave up.

"We have books? About demons?" said Josh, his voice climbing moment by moment.

"Lot of strange stuff in this building."

"Oh, yeah!" commented Ainsley quietly.

"Who are the - freaks? You said 'freaks' were coming?" said Sam suddenly.

"Professional demon hunters," explained Toby. "There's a thing called a – Slayer. A girl who is chosen to kill demons – special powers, great strength, etc."

"How do we know about this?" asked CJ.

"It's a *girl*?" asked Josh.

"A couple of years back, the military put considerable resources into _demon – related  - issues. I don't know any more than that. All I do know is that this girl was involved. She kills demons. We have a demon….."_

"Excellent. Death to the demon," cheered Josh. "And the girl? She's quiet? Discrete?"

"Something like that," said Toby, and returned to his paper.


	3. 3

"They're here," announced Toby. "I'm going down to meet them. Don't everybody crowd around and get in the way!"

"Can I come?" asked Josh.

"Can I come?" asked CJ.

Toby glowered. "One person. And only one person. Can Come. With me!"

"Take Ainsley," suggested Sam. "To show how bipartisan we are," he explained to the many confused looks.

"I'm sure that's the first thing they're going to worry about," sighed Toby. "Not, you know, the demon."

Ainsley jumped from her chair with a squeal of delight.

"Shouldn't Leo be doing all this?" asked CJ. "Or the military…..or, well, somebody else?"

"Leo is keeping an eye on the President." Toby ignored the implied slur.

"Doesn't the President know?"

"No way! And it's staying that way. Leo is keeping him distracted and far from places of curiosity. He's not to suspect a thing. Which is more likely to happen if you're all going about your jobs as normal. Go on, go! Don't any of you people have jobs?"

He was met with a chorus of surprised denials.

"What about the military?" asked Josh.

Toby sighed deeply. "Their only recommendation was to send for this girl. They sounded a little nervous after their past experiences."

"Are they scared of the demon or are they scared of the girl?" laughed Josh.

"I'm not entirely sure." But he had his suspicions.

****************

"Wow," said Buffy, looking around the hall.

"I second that wow and raise you a sense of overwhelming fear," said Xander, laughing nervously.

"Too many military types with big weapons," grumbled Spike. "They're all *_looking* at me."_

"I don't know why, you just fit in so well around here. See the way all the staff here have bleached hair and big swishy coats?" smiled Willow, who alone of the Scoobies seemed at home in the White House.

"It's –ah- quite intimidating, isn't it," admitted Giles. "Once we get to meet our contact things should become more straightforward. You know - find demon, kill demon. In the meantime, let's just try not to stand out."

"Yeah," said Xander, waving a finger at Spike. "No vamp stuff in the White House."

"Right," was the sarcastic reply, "Cos what I was going to do was shout 'I'm a vampire' really loud and then try and bite the president."

"Spike," said Giles in a strangled tone, making a flapping motion. They looked around to see a short, bald man who seemed to be trying hard to pretend he hadn't heard Spike's words.

"Oh, _bloody hell."_

"Rupert Giles, pleased to meet you." Giles offered his head to the stranger with a nervous glance over his shoulder. "And this is Buffy, the er…."

"Vampire slayer, I hope," said Toby with a small smile. "Toby Ziegler, White House Chief of Communications."

He became aware of the group gathered surreptitiously behind him.

"That's most of the senior staff," he explained, waving disinterestedly at them.  "People who are *_paid too much*."_

"Hi!" CJ waved to the crowd.

"And these are the people who are going to solve our problem." He waved a hand at the amassed Scoobies.

"We're not paid at all," said Buffy with a smile.

"I thought there was one Slayer?" CJ put in. "A 'chosen one'?"

"Ha! You did do some reading!" crowed Toby. The comment hit him. "Why *are* there eight of you?"

"Um. Sorry about that," began Giles. "The group functions quite well as a unit…."

"Riley-talk," whispered Willow.

"But if, for security, we need to reduce numbers, then, I'm sure it will be no problem."

"No problem at all," Toby assured them. "I've been told that you are the people you need if you have a – well, demon."

"Who ya gonna call? Ghost-busters!" sang Josh and Sam in unison.

Spike sighed loudly. Pillocks.

Toby added, with a harsh look at his staff, "And if for security, we need to reduce numbers, we can get rid off some of the idiots standing behind me. The people who I'm *quite* sure could be finding better things to do?"

The senior staff attempted to look busy while standing around doing nothing.

"So what's the demon?" Buffy piped up.

Toby raised his hands in a gesture of defeat.

"Okay then, *where's* the demon?" she asked. "Can we get a look at it?"

 "Of course," said Toby, "Follow me." 

They wandered along a seeming interminable series of corridors.

"God, what demon would want to live down here?" wondered Buffy, as the temperature rose and the air thickened.

"This is where I work," said Ainsley, with a look to Sam.

Buffy stared. "Wow, what did you do in a past life? This is worse than my work place – you know, cemeteries, mausoleums?"

"I was probably a Republican," admitted Ainsley, thoughtfully. "Because I am now and I always have been, a Republican." 

"Why do you work in this White House?" asked Willow curiously.

"They needed a lawyer," was the reply.

"I thought everyone was a lawyer here?" wondered Buffy.

"Yes, but they needed a good lawyer," explained Ainsley, ignoring various Democratic snorts of derision in the background.

"I think we should clear up a few minor points of fact," began Josh, addressing himself to the visitors.

"Demon," called Buffy.

"Huh?"

She pushed him out of the way, ignoring his yell of protest, and heading fast for what was indeed a – big – thing. It seemed to be heading for the blond girl, the nice girl who worked down here in these stinky underground passages. Buffy hurled herself at it, vaguely realising that Spike had grabbed the girl and removed her from harm's way. Harm, in this case being a many-tentacled demon.

As she reached it, the demon vanished into a whisp of smoke.

"Oy!" she yelled, frustrated, "Where did it go?"

"So, what was it?" enquired Toby, maintaining a safe distance.

The White House staff waited for the verdict in some trepidation.

"Well," declared Buffy, "What you've got is a – Big - Thing."


	4. 4

All adoration to Joss for the creation of the Thesulac Paranoia Demon (From Angel, S2, 'Are You Now or Have You Ever Been.') I remember thinking at the time that it might explain a great deal about the world, particularly the existence of politicians. Okay, I've adapted a little. What? The Thesulac demon is in Bartlet's White House, and the fact that I'm adapting things *surprises* you??

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"It's a Thesulac paranoia demon," announced Giles.

"It's a what?" said Toby.

"A demon that feeds upon suspicion and paranoia. I can't think what it could be doing here," Giles explained with a touch of sarcasm.

"How do we make it *_not* be here?" asked Josh nervously._

"Yeah," Sam backed him. "This White House fully supports that thing being – somewhere else."

"The procedure, as I recall, is first to make it corporeal. That seems to have already been achieved. Which means it's been fed." He looked at Toby with suspicion.

"Fed?" yelped Toby, stepping backwards. "What the hell does that mean? It's not, and never has been, the policy of this administration to feed demons!"

Giles rubbed his forehead. It all made a lot of sense.

"The demon feeds on bad-feeling, paranoia," he reiterated. "When you first saw it, can you remember what you were thinking about?"

"Well, it couldn't have been anything paranoid," Josh interrupted. "Because that could never happen."

Toby scowled. "I was thinking about Congress." he admitted.

"And," prompted Giles.

"And I was thinking about things I'd like to do to Congress."

"You have to remember," Sam pointed out, "That we don't need demons to cause bad feeling around here. We have Republicans."

"Yes, I'm glad we remember about not wanting to seem partisan in front of our guests," said CJ, innocently.

"And then," continued Toby, with a glare at his senior staff, "I saw a monster and I stopped thinking about anything other than getting the hell out of there!"

"Ha! You did make the monster!" crowed Josh, beginning a chant of, "Toby made a mon-ster," that was soon quashed by the sight of Toby arising from his seat.

"You can get rid of it, then?" he demanded.

"Yes. I need to get some supplies. There's a shop not too far from here," said Giles.

"You don't have the stuff with you?" asked an incredulous Toby.

"Well, one doesn't know what might be required until the exact nature of the demon is known," said Giles, suddenly becoming Very English. "And since all you could tell me was that it was a 'Big Thing' I chose not to carry the entire contents of the magick shop with me from California!"

"Sure," muttered Toby, backing away.

"I should be back in an hour or so," said Giles, more reassuringly. "Willow, would you like to come with me?"

"Well, no." The witch looked disappointed. "I wanted to see the White House!"

"Ooh! I'll come!" volunteered Dawn.

"You spent the whole day whining abut wanting to come here!" Buffy sounded exasperated. "Now you wanna go to a magick shop? Because, you know, you've never seen one of *_those* before!"_

"Buffy!" pleaded Dawn, "C'mon, it's, ……"

"Boring here," Spike explained. "Let her go. If fact I'll come too!"

"No, you will stay here," determined Giles, contemplating with displeasure the idea of spending time in a small car with Spike. "If the demon reappears you may be of some use."

"Can't believe I'm protecting the poxy American government," grumbled Spike. "My unlife sucks." He received for his trouble a sharp elbow in the ribs from Buffy.

"Dawnie, you sure you want to go?" asked Willow in concern. "We're going to have fun, get to look around the White House." She turned to the rest. "We can have a look around, can't we?"

"We can give them the full guided tour," offered Josh.

"Yes, of course. Because that will arouse no suspicion of any type," was Toby's reply. "The entire senior staff become tour guides for a day. I ask one more time – do *none* of you have any work to do?"

"I do not understand this 'work' of which you speak," said Josh with a grin. "Come on, Toby, these nice people are going to save our butts from the – that thing. The least we can do is show them around."

Willow and Tara affixed identical pleading stares upon Toby. Toby gave in with a deep sigh.

"Don't stand out," he warned his staff.

"Don't show yourselves up," warned Giles, looking worriedly at his group.

"Stay away from the president."

"Don't break anything."

"And the First Lady."

"Don't *say* anything."

"And security!"

"And security!"

"Come on," said Buffy reassuringly. "We'll be fine. We'll be good. What on earth could go wrong?"

"Well, it may all work out," Giles turned to Toby. "You may not have a demon by the end of the day. Of course, you may not have a White House either…." He started to leave.

Toby stared at his retreating back. _English sense of humour, he never really got it. He turned to look at the large group making their way back to the main building. A feeling of overwhelming fear flooded him._

"This is very much not my job description," he declared to no one in particular.


	5. 5

A/N: Anyone who is enjoying this fic (and there seem to be a surprising number of you people) might like to check out the spell-checked, tidied-up version on my site. It even comes complete with punctuation and grammar. 'Bartlet' is now spelt correctly, as is the word 'mayor.' Yes, I cringe in appropriate shame. And have a strong image of Toby leaning over my shoulder saying, 'Any time you want to use punctuation, that'd be fine.'

Oh, and tell me if you spot any more of the like – this fic seems to defy my spell-check and my common sense.

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"We should split up," suggested Josh. "Toby was right, we'll attract too much attention if this many of us wander around the White House together."

From his vantage point of sulking on a corner, Spike observed that the little whelp was sending covert glances in Buffy's direction. Now he had a chance to look around, so was that other guy. He let out an audible sigh and turned from the gathered group.

"You wanna come with me?" asked the blond girl and he looked at her in surprise. "You did save my life," she offered with a smile. "It's the least I could do."

"Well, now, doesn't that sound nice," he purred, glancing at Buffy who was studiously ignoring the exchange.

"I can show you the Rose Garden," enthused Ainsley.

"Probably best seen in full daylight," suggested Buffy quietly.

Spike smiled unpleasantly at her, then followed the cute girl who had gazed into his eyes so trustingly. He resisted the urge to stick out his tongue at the slayer.

"What's that all about?" asked Josh.

"Stupid vampire," said Buffy curtly.

"Wha- vampire? That was a vampire?!" The White House staff didn't take the news well.

"He's a good vampire!" said Willow hastily. "Well, a neutral vampire. Or a neutered vampire. He helps, anyhow."

"Ainsley and a vampire!" laughed Josh. "All very appropriate."

"You wanna come along with meee…ow!" Sam invited the now less-happy Slayer. He valiantly ignored the subtle way in which Josh was kicking his leg.

"Sure!" said Buffy, brightening.

"I thought I could show you the…" Josh began.

"You have the thing," interrupted Sam. "You know, the thing." He backed shiftily out the door, gesturing Buffy to follow.

"I have no *thing*," muttered Josh in disgust, watching his friend and the very cute girl waltz out.

"Guess you're stuck with us, my friend," sympathised Xander, patting Josh on the back. "Never mind."

"Huh," replied Josh, absently. "I mean, sure. Cool."

"I'd love to see the press area," said Willow hopefully. "See as in look at from a safe distance, not in the sense of talk to about monsters and crash the stock market." Tara nodded in agreement.

CJ smiled. "That can be arranged."

******

"There's one thing I have to say before we begin, and I should have said it before," said Sam, very seriously. Buffy's face fell. She had been looking forward to a nice, relaxing, non-work-y day with no vampires and one really cute guy, and already – already she could hear words of doom falling from his lips.

"I don't know anything about the history of the White House. Nothing. I know its name, that's about it. I realise how very ironic that is, what with me being deputy chief of communications of the White House. But there you have it. Nothing." He stopped for breath, noted Buffy's bemused expression and continued, "I'm sorry, do you want to go with one of the others instead?"

Buffy exhaled a laugh of relief. "God, no! Me and history? Not big with the best-friendliness. History is dates and stuff that happened, well, *before*. And I'm starting to get right back into the philosophy of 'Live for the day, for tomorrow you may be dead.' And also - history boring."

"Ah. Point taken. And nice motto. In a deeply depressing sort of way." Sam wondered for a moment how he could work it into future electoral campaigns.

"So, you guys run the country," pondered Buffy. Sam made no effort to deny it. "But you'd never heard of demons?"

"Oh, we did. We heard about demons….this morning." He looked sheepish.

"Good to know the government's on top of these things, then," she said smugly. "Joking – you're not supposed to know. It would distract you from all that really b – important stuff."

"You save the people from demons," he said thoughtfully. "And we save them from….inflation."

Seeing his expression, Buffy tried for a cheerful note. "But that's good too!" she said encouragingly. "You're not going to tell me about it though, are you?"

"No," he assured her before wondering, "You're so young. You've been fighting the forces of hell since you were…."

"Sixteen," she replied, enjoying herself now. "No biggie."

"No…I can't even imagine….."

"It's not that hard. If you lived on a Hellmouth, you'd learn. Hey! I could teach you!"

"No, really. I'm…..well, I'm sort of clumsy," admitted Sam, wondering if the addition of the 'sort of' qualified as a big fat fib.

"Anyone can learn to fight monsters," she insisted. "I know I have the super power for add on bonus, but most of the others don't. Xander and Giles kill vamps all the time." She thought for a moment. "I suppose they get knocked unconscious a lot as well…."

Sam looked worried.

"No, really, it's easy!" she promised, to his dubious look. She pulled out a stake and looked at it thoughtfully.

He gasped in horror. "You have weapons in the *White House*?!"

"You have a *demon* in the White House," she reminded him. "Weapons good."

Sam shrugged his reluctant acceptance of this fact, before taking the proffered stake.

He twirled it once or twice. "What do I do with it?" he finally asked.

"Stick it through the hearts of annoying vampires," she said, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"But…you work with a vampire," he said curiously. "A fact which I'm sure would bring great joy to the military."

"He's just…Spike," she said lightly. "He helps."

"He goes off with Ainsley," said Sam, frowning.

"Huh."

They looked at one another with a degree of understanding.

"So if you teach me how to kill vampires, can I kill him?" he asked.

"Probably not," she grouched. "He tends to be hard to kill. We'll start you off on something a bit easier."

Adopting fighting stance, she improvised a few moves.

"Cool," said Sam.

"Now you try. Say – knock the stake out of my hand."

Under her guidance and after some practice, Sam completed a competent roundhouse kick, before falling over backwards and knocking over a vase.

"Well, if the vase was evil, you'd have saved us all," Buffy offered, helping him to his feet.

"And that's just exactly what we pay you for," intoned Leo, grimly, glaring at Sam and eying Buffy suspiciously. "What the hell is going on here?"

*****

"I am so very grateful for your saving ma life," said Ainsley.

"Do it all the time," breezed Spike, beginning to feel quite happy. "Don't give it a second thought."

"This has been a very odd day." She shook her head. "I always knew that no good could come of working in *this* White House."

"Don't seem so bad," he said with a swagger. "And your demon – piece of cake. We'll have him screaming in pain by sundown. You just be glad you don't have a hell-god. Now those can cause some problem. Hard to keep'em in a basement too."

"These are things that a well brought up southern girl should not be hearing about," Ainsley informed him, wagging a finger at him. He grinned at her dismay. "This is all *freaky*!"

"'S fun, love," he promised.

"Who have we here?" asked a strangely familiar voice as they turned the corner.

"Dr. Bartlet," gasped Ainsley, unnerved as she found herself face-to-face with the first lady. "I didn't, that is, I'm sorry, we can…."

"Quite all right, my dear. And this would be….." Abbey trailed off, a quizzical look in her eye as she looked Spike up and down.

Spike glared back, folding his arms and suddenly feeling an unreasonable sense of ….fear? He hastily attributed this unwarranted emotion to the presence of the Thesulac. As if there could be anything to worry about in this….little lady.

"This is Spike," explained Ainsley. "He's…."

Abbey smiled slowly. "A vampire."

Spike closed his eyes in disgust. Bloody White House.

*****

"My office," said Josh, "Or, as we like to call it around here, 'The Centre of the Universe.'"

Xander and Anya dutifully admired the office.

"Call Toby," instructed a blond woman, passing them without looking up from an armful of files.

"And, of course, my ever loving, supportive and well-mannered staff. What was that, Donna?"

"Call. Toby."

"I'm to phone Toby?"

Donna stopped for long enough to glare at him. "Is there some other interpretation of 'Call Toby?'"

"Okay, not that I can think of just now but that's not the….you sure it was Toby? 'Cause I just saw him. What could Toby want?"

"Something important. I think it was about….." Donna stopped and glanced at the visitors.

"What?"

"It might have been about certain things that are going on today. If certain things are in fact going on today, then that might have been what this was about." She looked uncertainly from her boss to the guests.

"We have got to get you into, like, writing code or something," groaned Josh. A thought struck him. "What do you know about what might or might not be going on today?"

Donna's nervous glance continued to flit about the room.

"These people know about what might or might not be going on today," Josh assured her.

"Does he mean the demon?" whispered Anya, loudly, to Xander.

"Ha! That!" yelped Donna. "A," she lowered her voice, "Demon." Her voice rose shrilly, "In the White House!"

"Now that's all out in the open…" Josh sighed. "All the assistants don't know, do they?" he asked suddenly, in strangled tones, contemplating the possible outcome.

"No," admitted Donna, "I called in to give you that memo earlier and you and Sam and Toby were talking about…..well, demons. So I backed out quietly, assuming you were all on drugs."

"No drugs," Josh promised. He remembered the origins of the conversation and added, "I should call Toby."

"You really should," Donna agreed. "Can I get either of you some coffee?" she asked of Xander and Anya.

"Yes please," called Josh.

"That's okay, you've been here long enough to know how to make coffee," Donna assured him. He made his phone call without further comment.

Xander and Anya stood by awkwardly. "I don't want to be locked up and experimented on," confided Anya.

"I know, honey. And shush."

"I don't think…."

"An, now is not the time to talk about times past. Think of it as a chance to show off what a great, totally human person you are," urged Xander, watching the passing staff nervously.

"I can be human. I *am* human! I'm very good at being human. Fine, I'll be quiet," sniffed Anya.

"Apparently, we sort of left some books about demons in the mural room," Josh informed them, reappearing. "Which is bad."

"Who goes in the mural room?" asked Xander.

"Oh, you know. The President," said Josh, heading for the door.

"And that's bad."

"_Oh yes. Wanna come with me? I can show you the mural room?"_

"That sounds pleasant, thank you!" beamed Anya. "Although, we have seen many books on demons before so that will be less interesting."

"Lead on, White House Man," joked Xander and they left the room.

"Behold – the Mural Room," said Josh. "And then note how very close it is to my office, indicating my supreme importance. Oh, and then behold the suspicious looking books on demon-stuff."

"You okay with them?" enquired Xander as Josh gingerly picked up the books.

"Yeah, they're just books. What could go wrong?" As he heard his own words, Josh wondered had he just jinxed the day. More than a day with a demon was already jinxed.

"_Scary demon books," said Xander, with feeling._

"They're just books," repeated Josh, poking at one with his forefinger to illustrate his total lack of fear.

Double triple jinx.

"Just don't speak Latin in front of the books," warned Xander. "Bad things can happen."

"Yes," Anya agreed. "I once knew someone who….actually this is an inappropriate story for the White House." Her boyfriend patted her hand proudly.

"Well, for a start I don't speak Latin. And for second…what the hell is going to happen if I say…."

Josh opened a book at random and dropped his finger down the page.

'Librum incendere'

Anya and Xander winced even before the book burst into flames. They had backed away even before Josh dropped the burning book with a yelp and it ignited a corner of a rug.

"Well that can't be good," commented Xander, shaking his head.

"Fire!" yelled Josh. "It's a fire!" He seemed to remember himself, clamping a hand over his mouth abruptly as he jumped backwards. He then reconsidered, returning to the scene of the crime and stomping on the fire.

"Josh Lyman, what is it about you and fires?" Donna shook her head, calmly passing coffees to Xander and Anya.

"It wasn't me! It was the book!"

Donna looked sceptical.

"It really was," Xander backed him up, before wondering, "Was that a very valuable carpet?"

"If my boss sees this he's going to feed us to that demon," groaned Josh.

"He of the bald-headed crankiness?" Xander checked. "Yeah, he looks like he could."

"No, that's only Toby," corrected Josh." "Although, he might too…. No, I'm thinking Leo. He who we run from in cowardly terror."

"If he feeds you to the demon first, it may not want the rest of us," pondered Donna. Josh shot her a 'Could you please be more supportive?' look.

"Maybe we should run in cowardly terror *now*," suggested Anya. "The imparting of bad news is better received when the receiver is happy. So we can hide until we kill their demon, and then they may not mind that we also killed their carpet."

She thought for a moment. "Or we can just blame him," she added, indicating Josh.

"You're really getting the hang of this place," congratulated Donna. Anya smiled with pride.

"Democrat Burns Books in White House. That's not a good headline." Josh shook his head sadly, surveying the mess.

"It really isn't," agreed a voice from the door.

Josh looked up and swallowed a groan. "Hi, Toby."


	6. 6

Leo McGarry was having a bad day.

It had begun with the discovery that such things as monsters were real. And existed. And existed in the White House. Anyone other than Toby Ziegler he would not have believed. Had it been Josh or Sam that had run to him with a cock-and-bull story about a monster in the basement – well, he would have dismissed it as Josh or Sam and demanded to know why the hell they were wasting time running around the basement. But Toby – Toby didn't waste Leo's time with practical jokes about, well, anything.

So Leo called contacted a military source. He had pretty much expected laughter and ridicule. He had in no way expected them to back off with an air of nervous fear and offer him the phone number of some girl in California.

Some girl in California?

What the hell was that about?

And so the fate of the nation, and more importantly, this administration, was in the hands of some girl who was right now, apparently, aiding and abetting Sam Seaborne in the causing of chaos in the middle of the West Wing.

It was a bad day.

"Is there any chance that you could go and be somewhere else, breaking things that the President is less likely to see or care about?" he asked tiredly.

"Yes. I mean, I'll go. I won't break things. I'll go. We'll go."

Sam backed off, Buffy following. "That was Leo," he whispered in explanation.

"Are you sure he's not a demon?" asked Buffy, subdued.

"Not really."

*****

"Come on, that's ridiculous," blustered Spike, uncomfortably aware of the keen gaze of the First Lady.

"Now don't try that with me," returned Abbey, shaking her head with the slightest of smiles. "From the mirror behind you, I can see you have no reflection and just standing here I can tell you have no pulse. You're not breathing, and yet you're walking around the White House, flirting with the staff. How do _you explain that?"_

Spike inhaled sharply and opened his mouth to argue. Then gave up. Crap. He turned his head to check the mirror – there it was, not reflecting him.

"Oh, fuck," he said quietly, mainly to himself.

"There was a time, possibly so recently as yesterday, that it wasn't acceptable to use such language in front of the First Lady," Abbey suggested, eyes sparkling. Spike stifled a groan. "Though, of course, that was back in the days when vampires didn't walk around the White House. So much has changed. Ainsley, do you think you could excuse us for a moment?"

"Of course, ma'am, I'll wait outside." Ainsley backed away quickly, unsure which was more terrifying, The First Lady or a *vampire*.

"So now what?" sighed Spike. "You call the military, they muck around with my head some more? Or I just get staked here and now?"

"Don't tell me you met Maggie Walsh," said Abbey, interested. 

"Not as such," he said, guardedly. "What the hell do you know about her?" He looked at her and felt compelled to add, "Ma'am."

"I went to college with her. I was always curious to see if any success had come of her work. Very few records remained when she was killed."

"I'm just a big old success story, me," said Spike bitterly. 

"Still alive," she noted, amending to, "Or walking about at any rate."

He glowered.

"So what exactly did she do?" asked a now intrigued Abbey, circling the vampire.

"Put a chip in my head," sighed Spike. _A chip you should be damn __grateful for, he thought, glaring at her._

"Behaviour modification!" cried the First Lady. "My God! It worked?"

"Yes it bloody worked. Hey! Were you in this too?"

"No," said Abbey regretfully. "I was the sensible one who went into medicine. Maggie was the one with the very interesting ideas…" She ignored a snort of 'interesting!' from Spike. "I always wondered …But controversial old friends and politics don't mix."

"So – let's get this straight – your husband, who is the president if I've got this right – doesn't know that you know about all sorts pf very strange stuff?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

Abbey frowned. "Nor does he know there's a vampire wandering around the White House. So…."

"Fine," said Spike. "I don't screw you, you don't screw me." He thought for a moment. "Or some figure of speech more appropriate to these exalted conditions."

*****

"A simple thing!" Toby was ranting. "I ask you to do a *simple* *thing*! And instead you SET THE WHITE HOUSE ON FIRE!"

"Wouldn't this be more discrete if you weren't yelling?" asked Josh, wincing. It was hard to argue. He *had* set the White House on fire. Again. Couldn't even blame Sam this time.

"_You set the White House on fire," hissed Toby. "Now would be a good time not to lecture me about *discretion*!"_

"It was the book," said Anya.

Toby stared at her in disbelief. And silently counted to ten.

"It was the book," Anya repeated, louder. "So there is little point in giving out to….Josh?"

"I will 'give out to' whomsoever I want to when they set this building on fire," said Toby calmly.

Xander laid a restraining hand on Anya's wrist, willing her not to annoy some of the most powerful people in the world and get them all experimented on. Because Giles was going to be _pissed._

"You're just a big bully," Anya informed Toby.

Xander wondered had he indeed heard a soft, 'You go, girl,' from Josh's blond assistant.

"And you think that you can do what you want and no one will tell you what's what," Anya continued, hands on hips. She paused for a moment. "Well, I will!"

The room seemed to hold its breath.

Toby chuckled softly. "If you're ever looking for a job, give me a shout."

Anya smiled proudly. "Score one for the ex-demon," she whispered to Xander.

"Here you all are," said Giles' voice, peering nervously around the door. "Or some of you. Where's Buffy?"

"Are you ready to do the….killing bit?" asked Toby.

"I've got everything I need. Except for a Slayer."

"She should be around somewhere." Xander motioned vaguely with his hand. "Didn't she go with that other guy?"

"Sam," said Josh through gritted teeth.

"And Spike?" asked Giles, with a sense of growing anxiety.

"Also somewhere," offered Xander.

"Can we gather everyone together? I have sense of overwhelming fear about what they could be doing."

"That could be caused by the Thesulac?" suggested Anya.

"No, he had it the whole trip," said Dawn. "'I hope they're not setting the building on fire!'" she mocked, in good imitation of Giles' manner. He glared at her.

"A valid concern," said Toby, seeming to find the wall extremely interesting. Josh shuffled from one foot to the other.

"Hey Giles!" called Buffy. "Got the stuff?"

"Yes, I do indeed have the….stuff. No problems here?"

"Of course not," Buffy assured him, wide-eyed and innocent. "What could possible have happened here?"

"Hmm. Let's get the rest of the group where I can see them and then we should begin the spell."

"That will get rid of the demon and then you'll all go away?" suggested Toby.

"I certainly hope so," muttered Giles.


	7. 7

Lovely people who've read this far: You may notice that all my lovely reviews vanished when ff.net decided to pull this series. So now that it's reposted - if you've read this far, feel free to leave some more  : )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't help feeling that something's going to go wrong," muttered Toby, pacing nervously.

"That would be the influence of the Thesulac," reasoned Giles. "It induces paranoia. Try to ignore it."

"_*Bad__* feeling about this."_

"What exactly is going on here?" enquired a new and very familiar voice. 

Toby groaned. Because this would, indeed, come under the heading of '_Everything going wrong.'_

"Mr. President," he began, "I can explain. But - I thought you were with Leo?"

"Yes," agreed the President, "Leo has found an unusually large number of unusually boring things that seem to require my urgent attention today. But then I was distracted by the foul odour coming from the lower echelons of this building." He looked around. "And now I find an unusually large number of complete strangers doing…." He broke off. "What *are* they doing?"

"That is, of course, a perfectly valid question, Mr. President." Toby searched through his vast databank of good excuses as well as downright lies. He failed to hit a jackpot.

"Why does it have to smell?" he asked of Giles and the world in general. "Why?"

"We'll just blame the herbs, shall we," grumbled Giles. "I thought there was *security*."

"Security?" repeated the president, in calm tones. "In the White House, which is what this is, The President of the United States, which is what *I* am, generally has the right to wander freely. Who, may I be so bold to ask, are you?"

Giles turned to Toby. Toby turned to a newly-arrived and breathless Leo.

"Mr President!" said Leo heavily. "I see you're – here." He looked about the room. And then at the President. "With everyone."

"Somebody tell me what's going on before I have the whole damn lot of you arrested for just bugging me!" ordered Bartlet.

Leo bit the bullet. "We have a demon," he admitted. "I should add at this point that I'm not on drugs."

Noting Xander's opening mouth, Willow administered a sharp kick to his shin.

"A *demon*. What does that mean? It's code for something, right?"

"Yes sir, it's code for – a demon."

"We have a demon, Sir," supported Toby, fidgeting a little.

"You mean a physical manifestation of a malignant supernatural being?" questioned the President.

"Precisely," said Giles.

"So why isn't Fitzwallace in here with half the US army?" Bartlet demanded of Leo. "And I'm not saying that I believe you, mind!"

"I talk to Fitzwallace and he recommended these people," replied Leo, in a tone that suggested this was a perfectly reasonable course of action.

"Well of course. I mean, Fitzwallace probably doesn't have one of these little glowy balls." The president picked up and suspiciously inspected the Orb of Ramjarin, before tossing it from one hand to the other. Giles winced.

"Excuse me – Mr. President – that is an Orb of Ramjarin. It may prove difficult to replace if broken, and it's a necessary requirement for the successful removal of the Thesulac."

"Is this one of those situations that sounds stranger than it is because of my inexperience with the military?" asked the president, ignoring Giles and focusing his attention on Leo.

"In a manner of speaking, Sir." Leo gazed at the ceiling.

"Sir, there is a demonic presence in this area and these people were just about to try and get rid of it," hinted Toby.

"All of these people?" said Bartlet, showing no signs of leaving. "_All of them?"_

"If you want…." Giles wondered if there was a polite way to ask the President of the United States to leave the room without getting himself deported.

"What I want," said the President testily, "Is for someone to *explain* this!"

"Mr. President, the reason that you're feeling suspicious and paranoid is because the demon…"

"Yes, I agree that my feelings of paranoia may be related to the presence of a *demon*," he replied dryly. "A concept, I might add, that I had presumed was mythological. And, more importantly, _not in my basement!"_

"You should ask your….ow!" Spike broke off as Ainsley stamped hard on his foot with her three inch heels.

Buffy's narrowed gaze fell on them. She tried to convince herself that shutting Spike up was a worthy endeavour, an enterprise that should be encouraged in one and all. But at the back of her mind, she couldn't silence a small voice that insisted that beating Spike up was *her* job.

The president ignored them all.

"I find this disturbing," he said, to sincere and heartfelt agreement from Toby and Leo. "Please tell me the press hasn't caught wind of this….this."

"No sir, not a word," promised CJ.

"And yet you're all *here*" observed Bartlet. "What say we all go away and let these people do the thing with the little glowy ball. Apart from the fact that I believe some of you get paid for doing jobs around here, I'm presuming this may be *dangerous*?"

He turned to the strange people with the glowy ball. They were ignoring him.

"I think Tony Blair is a demon," Spike was commenting.

"Almost undoubtedly," agreed Giles. "You can tell from the grin."

They were lost for a moment in quiet contemplation.

"Hi, British people?" said Buffy, waving a hand in front of their faces. "Back in the Free World we have a demon to kill?"

"Quite right," said the president. "Since all you people are here, cluttering up my White House, I'd be quite grateful if you got rid of the….demon. Leo, are you sure we couldn't have called normal exterminators?"

"It's a good idea, Sir, but normal exterminators usually kill insects or vermin. And what we have is a…"

"Demon," Bartlet finished, glumly. "Very well. Come and see me when you're finished."

He left, followed by his reluctant staff.

"We're *exterminators*?" said Buffy, outraged.

"Better than exterminated," said Xander. "Look on the bright side."

"Perhaps now we can kill the demon?" enquired Giles. "Buffy?"

"Ready when you are."

******

"All done!" Buffy reported to Toby, who motioned them into the Oval Office."

"You sure?" she said dubiously, eyeing the nice clean carpets. "I've got blood on my clothes."

"Hopefully the President won't notice," sighed Toby. He wanted this day to be over, blood in the Oval Office be damned.

"So?" asked Bartlet, as the group straggled in.

"Dead demon," said Buffy.

"Good. It was simple, then." 

"Like to see you kill it," grumbled Buffy, before realising what she had said. She cringed, seeing from the corner of her eye an identical reaction from Giles.

"The girl makes a good point," said a smiling Leo.

"Well, after I've seen *you* fighting one of these things I'll be very happy to give it a go," Bartlet informed him. "In the mean time I'll leave it up to these people and I'll be very grateful to them."

Buffy looked up in relief. Grateful? Grateful was good. She could see Giles relax for the first time too.

"The demon's gone," she said carefully. "And Willow and Tara have done a protection spell that should keep most bad stuff that you don't want the press to know exists, out of here."

Toby looked interested. "Do you think we could look into spell that would make Congress…." He saw Leo's look and gave up.

"This isn't one of Leo's Big Block of Cheese days, is it?" enquired the president tiredly. 

"Huh?" Buffy looked around the various amused faces.

"Trust me," said Sam, "Sometimes our world is even stranger than yours."

"I'm not sure I'd put money on that any more," sighed Bartlet. "In the mean time, thank you," he said to the still nervously gathered group.

"You're very welcome," Giles nodded. "And any time we can be of service…"

"There will be *no* more demons!" 

"Quite."

*****

They said their goodbyes.

"You've taught me a healthy fear of Latin," Josh scolded Xander and Anya.

"I'll e-mail," CJ told Tara and Willow. "The whole magic thing is…..yeah, could be useful."

Giles, who had been turning paler and paler, seemed to develop problems breathing.

"Send my best to the First Lady," called Spike. Giles choked.

"We should go. We should go now," he said firmly. "_Now," he repeated, motioning to Buffy, who shouted, "Keep up the training!" to Sam._

"Training?" scoffed Spike, glaring at the Slayer. "Him? He couldn't fight his way out of paper bag!"

"Yeah? Jealous?" she enquired sweetly.

"Of that, pet? In your dreams. In your wet slayer dreams!"

"Shouldn't we be getting all sorts of money for saving the president?" Dawn was asking, with enthusiastic agreement from Xander.

As Buffy and Spike began to scuffle, Giles sighed. It was going to be a very long drive.

But this was the sort of problem he was used to.

*****

"What was that about the First Lady?" Sam asked Ainsley, worried.

"No idea whatsoever," she lied calmly. They began the stroll back towards the West Wing.

"Ainsley," he said with deliberation, "You aren't a vampire."

She grinned at him as she sashayed off. "Nor are you, Sam. Nor are you."

He looked at her suspiciously. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

*****

In the Oval Office, the President had been staring at the same document for fifteen minutes.

"Are you alright, Sir?" enquired Leo in concern.

"Leo, if it's all the same with you, I think I'd like to pretend that today didn't happen." Bartlet looked a little dazed.

"I think we're all on board with that idea, Sir," Leo assured him.

"At least until I've had a chance to read a little more about it."

"A day we await with baited breath." 

"Or until I've found a way to make the demons obey my will, thus replacing the need for insolent, disobedient staff." The president affixed his chief of staff with a steely gaze.

"Oh, we're working on that one. We're workin' on it."

**The End**


End file.
